Learning to live the missionary life can be challenging. You kinda know going in the there are cost, sacrifices, adventures, new cultures & languages to learn, etc. You learn how nice it is to have a shower & clean drinking water, how hard it is to not have a car, how gut wrenching it is to miss your family, how sad it is when someone dies & your not there to comfort your friend. And you learn to rely on God. Physically, emotionally, spiritually.
I have been really struggling lately with some things. One of the things we had to do to move to SA was give up my dog, Jeter. It was hard, really, really hard. We were unable to find a home for him & ended up taking him to the Doberman Rescue of North Texas. It is a wonderful organization & the people there are great. But it was like ripping a piece of my heart out. One of the hardest things I've done.
Last week, I sent an email to the lady there asking how he was doing. She emailed back that he had just now started to eat & was really, really having a hard time. It was so heart-breaking. I can't hardly type this without crying. We knew this was part of our cost to follow where God had called us. But man.
Anyways, I got mad at God. I mean, come on. I paid the price He asked of me. Why wasn't He making this right? Not like He can't. He is God. So I struggled with that a while. I finally had to ask God's forgiveness. He does know what He's doing, even if I don't. The next morning during worship, I felt a sweetness. Just that knowing that even if God didn't love him like I do, He loves me enough to make sure Jeter is taken care of. I still don't know how it will work out, just like most things in my life, but I do know that God is in control & that He loves me enough to want only the good for me. And my dog.